To Catch A Killer
by The Insatiable Hyde
Summary: A desperate hunt for a killer leads to startling emotional revelations that threaten to destroy everything Jane holds dear. Haunted by nightmares, she must navigate an emotional minefield to catch a killer. Author's Note: I don't own any of these characters. I've borrowed them for a while to play in my morbid little world. Constructive critism please.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

It was a cold night. One that not only chilled the bones, but the soul as well. Jane Rizzoli stood just beyond the crime scene tape and stared at yet another victim in a dank alley. Exhaustion leaking from every pore, she scrubbed a hand over her face to revive the numbed, olive-toned, features from the cold.

It had been a long and emotionally draining week. The case they caught four days ago had no open leads and a killer with an insatiable appetite for the macabre.

"Jeez Jane, you look like shit." Korsak commented taking in the pale and strained lines of her face.

"Nice, Korsak. I suppose you think you can pass for GQ material?" The sneer lacked the sting in delivery.

"If that's the best you've got, you feel worse than you look."

"Mmm." She grunted noncommittally as she stared at the body.

Indicating the door a few feet into the alleyway, he said "McDougal's Pub. Waitress came out for a quick smoke. Found the vic. First uniform on scene took her statement."

"First uniform on scene gave me a rundown when I arrived." She muttered still studying the body. Tied to a chair the victim was gutted from navel to chest. His entrails wadded into his splayed hands.

"Frost's here." He nodded in the direction of the detective as he ducked under the tape and made his way to them.

"Hey, sorry I'm late, Pile up on the Huntington, what've we go-" A decidedly gray colour rode his face as he turned and ran for the dumpster.

"One would think he's used to the more colorful side of the job by now." Korsak mused thoughtfully.

"Mmm." Again the noncommittal grunt issued from Jane.

Ignoring her partner's heaves and the speculative look on Korsak's face she moved further into darkened alley to get a feel for scene in front of her. Taking her flashlight out, she shone it into the darker recesses of the passage, carefully cataloguing the evidence... or rather the lack thereof, in her mind as she waited for the M.E to arrive.

_Besides the slight pooling of residual blood around the victim there is nothing to indicate he was killed here. No spatter pattern. No immediate footprints visible, then again, it is an alley and God knows how many people have come through that door, not to mention it is junky paradise. The light's broken so no one would see a damn thing. No cameras. Shit, it just keeps getting better and better. Surely, he has to scope out the area first. The first victim was dumped in an alley with all the same trademarks. No lights, no cameras, not one fucking thing in our favour. Son-of-a-bitch!_

Turning away from the dark maw, she saw Maura lift the tape and flash her credentials to the officer on scene and walk towards them. The familiar flutter in her belly caught her off guard, having been distracted by her internal musings. Taking a deep breath to steady herself she walked forward to meet the M.E.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Just to remind you all that I dont own these characters. Although the beginning of this story is relatively smut free, please note that at some point this will change, hence the rating of M. If this is not your cup of tea, I understand, but feel free to browse some of the other material on this site while I continue to play with the characters and lure them into sweaty fantasies.**

**Lads and ladies, like any author I appreciate reviews... so spill it!**

**Chapter Two**

Dressed in a sleek black dress, that stopped tantalisingly at mid-thigh over legs wrapped in black silk stocking, the Doctor cut a striking impression. To finish off the ensemble, a deep red coat clung to curves that left the mouth to water. Drawing every male eye within a hundred yards. Jane felt the hot flush of arousal rear its head again and made a more concerted effort at squashing the impulse.

"Whohoo! Doc, you are looking fine!" Frost exclaimed and earned a beaming smile from Maura.

"Thank you. I was called away from a charity event. Not exactly what you call crime scene ready, but, we do what we can."

Drawing on her waning pool of reserves, Jane spoke with all the casualness her exhaustion could muster, "Hey Maura."

"Hello Jane." Maura smiled as Jane stepped into the light rigged up by CSU for examination.

"So what have we got Doc?" The muffled words were spoken by Frost who stared at Maura determinedly as he shifted back to the gruesome display. The gray handkerchief he pressed over his nose and mouth rivalled the pasty pallor of his face.

"Well, from what I can see, placement and visible wound patterns are similar to the first victim. There is, however, a variation. You'll notice he's missing several phalanges on the right hand. Liver temperature indicates death occurred approximately five hours prior. The evidence of rigor mortis in the neck and facial muscles confirm this time frame as the larger muscles still contain flaccidity. I'll be able to tell you more upon further examination at the morgue." Maura looked up to find an unusually quiet Korsak gazing intently at Jane.

"Jane?" Maura spoke with concern as she noted the rigid posture and the dazed expression of the detective. Her face was sheet white and her hands balled into fists at her sides.

"Jane!" She spoke firmly, moving closer when her query elicited no response.

"Crap." Korsak hissed as both he and Frost lurched forward to steady a dangerously swaying Jane.

"Let her sit. Put her head between her knees" The Doctor instructed as she crouched down in front of her friend and pressed a hand to Jane's sweating brow.

Weakly swatting Maura's hand away, Jane leaned her head back against the wall. "I'm okay. I'm okay." The words were a little slurred and her breathing ragged.

"Jeez, Jane when last did you hit the sack? Korsak's voice sounded somewhere in the fog of her mind.

The soft scent of roses invaded her senses as Maura leaned closer and shone a penlight torch into her eyes. Tipping Jane's chin so that they were face to face she asked, "When was the last time you slept?"

The assault on Jane's senses was overwhelming as Maura leaned closer, concern etched on her brow. A soft, warm hand tucked a lock of unruly black hair behind her ear and rested on her cheek. Her battered system hurled a jolt down her spine and she flinched from the contact.

"Jane?" Maura drew her hand away from the anxious detective and confusion mingled with concern.

_Shit! Damn it, Rizzoli! Get your shit together! _

Mustering every last ounce of strength, Jane felt the fog in her mind dissipate slowly. Unable to hold the piercing green gaze that seemed to search her soul, she looked down at the clenched fists in her lap. Gingerly she opened them feeling the faded tingle of the knotted scars thud softly on her palms and started kneading the phantom ache away gently.

"Give me some space." She said softly as she pushed against the wall to stand up. Frost made to help her up but stepped back when she looked at him. Clearly needing the moment to mask her vulnerability, he nonetheless remained close lest she keeled over. Leaning back against the wall she closed her eyes, willing her world to orient itself again.

Maura, clearly distressed by events, looked at the pale detective more closely. The dark circles bruised the flesh beneath the beautiful coffee brown orbs and the soft lines around the eyes and mouth, normally indicative of humor were strained. Watching Jane swallow repeatedly, clearly forcing down the nausea to a manageable level, she wondered what was happening to her friend.

Discounting the conversations in the morgue and bullpen, it had been weeks since they had spent any time together and even the necessary bits of conversation had been strained and minimal. For the past month Maura's time had been commanded by a series of conferences in relation to updated procedures in forensic pathology and interagency communication. Her time had further been usurped by several new cases that warranted her attention. Still, Jane's withdrawal had been worrisome and the tension radiated from her like an electrical current.

Frost and Korsak looked at each other for a moment in silent communication. With an almost indiscernible nod, Frost looked at Jane and said, "Come on. I'll take you home. The Doc will let us know if there's anything new." Taking her arm he steered her towards the car.

"Jeez, man, stop pawing me. I'm fine. I can drive." She said, stubbornly trying to dislodge her arm from his grasp. More irritated by the fact that her strength had waned to such a degree that she couldn't extract herself at all.

"Bullshit, Jane!" He hissed close to her ear, trying to lessen her embarrassment by keeping his voice low. "You and I both know you're at the end of your rope, so shut up and let me help you before you hang yourself with it!" In all the time he and Jane had worked together, he had never seen her show anything akin to weakness. A vulnerable Jane Rizzoli shook him to the core.

"Can you at least stop dragging me like a fucking two year old?" Humiliation made her edgy and irritable, even though she was sure that if he actually let go she would pitch face first into the sidewalk.

As they reached the car Frost turned to her clearly intending to continue his rant, but the snap of a latex glove drew their attention to Maura who had stepped up behind them with Korsak right behind her.

"The body's being moved to the morgue. Barry, make sure she gets home safely. I'll check in with her once I've finished the autopsy." Maura's distress clearly evident allowed for no argument from either.

Anxiety clawed into Jane's chest at being forced into submission and frustration made her reply sharp and dangerous, "For fuck sake! I can get myself home. I don't need a fucking chauffeur and I don't need to be checked on like an invalid!"

Blonde eyebrows shot up in surprise and hurt mingled with the concerned gaze. Immediately chagrined by her outburst and its effect, Jane let out a deep breath and sagged into herself, losing all the starch in her posture, "I'm sorry. Just tired. Controlling my mouth is a little difficult at this point."

"I see." Noting the flush that crept up the detective's neck, she concluded Jane's embarrassment sufficed to complete the apology. "Well then, I'll see you in a bit." She nodded to Frost and turned on her heel to finalize transportation arrangements, leaving Jane to stew in her thoughts.

"My apologies for the sedan, Madam, the Bentley is currently in for repair." Frost swept the door open and beamed with a courtly bow.

"I'd slap you, but I'm not sure the good Doctor would speak to me again if I put you on her table." Jane grumbled and got into the passenger side.

Maura had completed the autopsy on the latest victim and was currently washing the remaining fluids on her table down the drain. Her thoughts kept drifting back to Jane and the events that took place earlier in the night.

_There is something wrong here. I can't quite put my finger on it, but there is something seriously wrong here. Jane is one of the most tenacious law enforcement officers that I know, but she has never pushed herself so close to the edge that she was in danger of falling. She's distant and abrupt. I've never seen her so irritable or withdrawn in all the time I've known her. Her facial indicators showed clear signs of exhaustion, but there was something else. I've never seen her flinch before, least of all when I touch her. There was fear. Fear of what exactly? Me?_

The whoosh of the doors drew her from her internal discussion and looking up she saw Frost walk toward her with an anxious expression on his face.

"Jane?" Her heart thudded in her throat and a prickle of ice slithered across the nape of her neck.

"She's fine. She's at home." He hastened to reassure her, "But, there's something really off Doc. Really off. She's not at all herself."

"Explain." Though the iron grip on her heart eased a bit, she still felt a tendril of fear weave into her stomach.

"I don't know. I thought she would have spoken to you about what's going on." He rubbed a hand over his head and stuck the other in his pocket, clearly out of sorts. "She doesn't talk anymore, I mean beyond discussing a case. Every time we go to the Robber she has an excuse. It's like she's completely isolated herself."

"I've noticed that myself, though I wasn't sure if it was just aimed at me in particular. I've been spread a little thin with the conferences and cases." She leaned against the table and crossed her arms as she looked at him.

"There's something else, though. I haven't seen her eat anything for a while now. She doesn't leave for lunch and I haven't seen her bring any either. Even Korsak was starting to worry. To be honest, I've been more than a little worried myself, lately." He looked at her and concern etched the weary lines in his face.

"I'll see what I can do. I'm just about done here. I'll send you the reports in the morning as we're still waiting on a tox screen from the lab."She pushed away from the table and walked toward the sink to dispose of the gloves and wash her hands.

"Thanks Doc. Let me know if there's anything we can do. I mean, for Jane." He nodded and made his way toward the door.

"Um, Barry, one more thing. When did she start withdrawing?"

"About a month ago. Shortly after you left."

"Thank you. Good night."

"Night." The door whooshed closed again, leaving Maura even more perplexed and certainly more worried than before.

The drive to Jane's apartment had been fraught with unanswered questions and having reached her destination Maura made her way to the door. Upon entering with spare key she kept for emergencies, she kicked off her shoes and placed them neatly next to the door. Depositing her overnight bag next to the couch, she made her way to the kitchen for a glass of water before checking in on Jane.

A scream pierced the quiet apartment before she reached the cupboard wherein the glasses were kept and the hair on the nape of her neck stood erect. At a dead run she reached Jane's bedroom and watched in horror as the detective thrashed around on the bed, her hands clenched fiercely to the tumbled sheets, desperately caught in the grip of nightmare.

"Jane!" she cried as panic seized her. Still the detective remained oblivious to her guest.

"Jane!" Grabbing hold of Jane's shoulders she shook her roughly in the desperate hope that her nightmare would relinquish its hold.

Her eyes snapped open as she bolted out of bed, sinking to the floor, she drew her knees to her chest. Breathing raggedly, frantically trying to draw enough oxygen into her body to clear the last phantom from her mind. "Oh, God!" She pressed her face to her knees and began to weep violently.

Rushing to her side, Maura sank down next to her and drew her into her arms. For the second time that night, Jane flinched at her touch.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: The chapters are getting longer. I hope you are enjoying the story so far. Please let me know what you think.**

**Chapter Three**

A thorn of hurt embedded in her heart as Maura, slowly, lifted her trembling hands from the shaking woman at her side until she relaxed into the waiting arms.

"Jane?" She said softly. Her voice barely audible through the sobs that wrenched her heart even further.

"Shhh, it was just a nightmare. You're safe now. Shhh." Maura gently rocked Jane as tears of her own streaked unabated down her cheeks. The violent quakes subsided to moderate shudders as the detective calmed by slow degrees.

Since they seemed to have reached a manageable calm after the storm, Maura's attention was drawn to the rest of the familiar room. The smell of whiskey permeated the air and her eyes found the bottle on the nightstand, emptied of its contents, the cap lay discarded on the floor beside the bed. There was no glass.

Though Jane had always enjoyed a drink of whiskey, she never overindulged nor frequented the liquor since her preference ran toward beer. Filing this fact amongst a myriad others in reference to the strange behavior displayed by her friend, Maura looked down and gently brushed the wild curls behind Jane's ear.

"Better now?" She soothed as the detective sat up slowly, wincing as she did so.

"Yeah, ah, sorry about that." A blush crept its way up from her chest, staining her neck and, finally, her face.

"I don't mind." She hesitated, noting the discomfort in Jane's posture. "Are you going to tell me what the nightmare was about?"

"Uh..." Tension seeped into Jane's body and the calm equilibrium evaporated like smoke. Her hands found themselves as if by their own volition and long slender fingers started massaging the knotted palms.

"Hoyt?" The word, spoken very softly, was more a statement than a question as Maura's eyes were drawn to the hypnotic rhythm of the kneading.

"Mmm..." Jane stared intently at the wall in front of her, afraid to meet the gaze of her comforter.

"How long?" The question, spoken just as softly, held no pity, but only tenderness as she drew Jane's left hand into her own. Alternating between the palm and the back of the hand, she gently massaged the tissue surrounding the scarred ridges.

"Four weeks ago." An errant shudder from her nightmare coursed through her body, but was gone as soon as it came.

"And how often?"

Silence greeted the question and the hands that soothed aching tendons stilled as understanding dawned on Maura recalling the events at the crime scene.

"I asked you earlier tonight when the last time was that you slept...How often, Jane?" Though still tender, her voice had firmed, clearly intending to have an answer.

"Every ni-ght." Extricating her hand from Maura's hold, she leaned forward pressing her palms to her face as her voice broke.

"Oh, Jane." Maura shifted and once again drew Jane into her arms to comfort herself as much as the detective.

* * *

When all had calmed and Jane was sleeping, Maura rose from the bed. Walking quietly to where she had spied the bottle's cap, she picked it up and returned it to its intended purpose. Quietly, she left the room, leaving the door ajar in case Jane needed her.

In the kitchen, Maura opened the trash can with the intention of depositing the bottle and gasped. The receptacle housed several empty bottles similar to the one she now held in her hand and could only surmise that the detective had tried to drown her dreams and failed.

"Oh, Jane." She murmured quietly to herself and tears welled up in her eyes. Placing the bottle in the can as quietly as she could so as not to clink them together and risk waking up Jane, she went to retrieve her overnight bag with a troubled heart.

When her nightly ministrations were concluded, she slipped into the bedroom and cautiously climbed into bed so as not to disturb Jane. When she finally settled, Jane turned around and cuddled into Maura's warmth, resting her head on her chest. Maura fell asleep with the sound of her name carried on the breath of the sleeping detective and a warmth that settled in her heart.

* * *

Maura woke from a tantalising dream where a phantom lover ardently feasted on her breast, setting fire to her core and the fragrance of whiskey pervading her senses.

Languidly stretching with a satisfied moan, she stilled momentarily taking in her surroundings. During the night Jane had wrapped herself around Maura, her body pressed flush against her back. Arousal fisted deliciously in her belly as Jane shifted and mumbled sleepily behind her. Maura felt her nipples pebble at the touch of the sleeping woman's hand nestling closer, curling firmly around her breast. The startling sensation pooled in her throbbing centre as wetness slicked her thighs.

Staggered by her body's reaction, Maura stilled. Feeling Jane's even breathing brush softly against her neck, goose bumps snaked, unbidden, across her skin, hardening the already sensitive buds straining against the soft material of her nightshirt.

The even breathing continued unabated and Maura slowly began the task of extracting herself from Jane's sleepy embrace. Whimpering from the loss of contact, Jane curled into herself, drawing her knees up and chin to her chest. A wave of tenderness engulfed the doctor as she stared down at the woman on the bed.

_You look so lost. What happened to you Jane? Even in sleep you look worried and tired. What are you afraid of?_

With these troubling thoughts, Maura made her way to the kitchen. Seemingly, Jane was hell bent on destroying herself one piece at a time and the doctor would not allow that to happen. First things first. Breakfast was about to begin.

The smell of coffee and fried heaven wafted through the air as Jane Rizzoli shuffled sleepily into the kitchen, rubbing hands viciously over her face.

"Morning." Maura eyed the sleepy visage peering cautiously at the stove.

"Mmm." She grunted as she reached for the rich black coffee only to have her hand slapped.

"Ow! What was that for?" She hissed, hastily drawing the stinging appendage to safely.

"Here." She placed a glass with a mystery of bubbling effervescence in front of her.

"What in the name of all that is holy is that?" She stared at the glass, fascinated by the three fizzing tablets. The mixture coalesced in the most unattractive color imaginable. Jane felt her bile rise and the pounding in her head magnified in chorus.

"That will help flush the toxins from your system."

"Mmm. Looks more like eye of newt and toe of frog." Deftly side-stepping the noxious fluid she sat at the counter.

"Macbeth. At least I know brain function is normal. Drink it Jane and then you can have your breakfast. I'll be done with it in fifteen minutes or so." Maura looked at her pointedly and placed the glass in front of her again.

"I'm not hungry." She grumbled, furiously swallowing to keep the bile down. The proximity of the sustenance in front of her making it increasingly difficult.

"Now Jane." The doctor brooked no argument and sternly pressed her point.

"Jeez, what are you? My mother?" Nonetheless, she picked up the glass and wrinkled her nose in distaste.

"Mmm." Eyeing the patient, she leaned against the adjacent counter.

"Bottoms up." She muttered and cleared the foul mix in four swallows, hoping to get it over with as soon as possible. "Egh!" Jane scrunched up her face and shuddered as the acrid taste remained.

"Good girl." Maura smiled.

"Can I have a treat now?" Jane's response dripped with sarcasm, but lacked the sting as she shuddered again.

"In a moment." Maura replied and checked the dainty watch on her wrist.

"What?" Confused, she looked at Maura.

"In three, two, one..." Maura's voice trailed off as Jane bolted for the bathroom. Smiling she turned back to the meal she was preparing.

_Works every time._

Five minutes later, a decidedly green Rizzoli stumbled back into the kitchen.

"Are you trying to fucking kill me? I have a firearm, it's faster!" She eyed the beaming doctor with intense dislike.

"I told you it would flush the system. It did. Drink this." She placed a glass of orange juice in front of Jane.

"Seriously? You nearly kill me and you expect me to..." Jane gesticulated wildly at the second glass.

"This is a healthy beverage. You may want coffee, but it's not what your system needs right now. You'll feel better in a minute." Sniffing, gingerly, at the glass to detect any other surprises she raised it to her lips and took a small swallow. The cool juice soothed the raw confines of her throat and she sighed in pleasure.

"You still seem to be breathing." Maura noted with humor.

"I'm still not convinced you aren't trying to kill me."

"Give it some time." She smiled as Jane took a deeper swallow. Turning to dish the sausages and eggs into the plates, she nudged Jane's plate closer.

"I'm not h..." Her voice trailed off as she stared, suddenly ravenous, at the plate.

"Hungry?" Maura finished with a laugh.

"Holy crap! What was in that stuff?" Forking a bite into her mouth, she moaned in pleasure. Maura paused before doing the same. The sound, though she had heard it a hundred times in the past coursed through her blood in a sudden jolt of need. Her thoughts wandered back to the bed she woke up in and a sudden blush crept up her throat.

"What?" Jane's eyes narrowed as she studied the doctor intently.

"Nothing." Maura said averting her gaze and studied her food with the same intensity that Jane directed at her until she felt the flush fade from her skin.

"No seriously. What? You just lit up like a Christmas decoration."

"Just happy you seem to be enjoying the meal." Gaze still averted, Maura started to eat.

"Mmmhmm." Jane quirked an eyebrow, but decided to leave the woman in peace, her appetite still taking the lead.

When the meal was done, Jane cleared the plates and set about tidying the kitchen. Maura had taken the time to start her morning ministrations for which the detective was intensely grateful. It had been a month since she realized her attraction to the doctor was more than just the friendly variety. The discovery had been somewhat embarrassing and more than a little traumatic, so to speak. Her affections had never leaned toward the same sex before and this left her with no idea how to handle the situation. Not to mention the fact that she was engaged in a bout of hot, sweaty sex with Gabriel Dean at the time when Maura's name sighed from her lips. The ensuing argument left them both wounded and without a much needed release. Since that moment Jane's body had been taken hostage by a barrage of emotions denying any relief. On several occasions she had tried self gratification only to end the night in frustration and irritability.

Seemingly, the war her system declared had inverted and ensnared her mind in nightly horrors. The vivid recollections of Hoyt returned with crystal clarity and each night a new script played through her dreams in increasing macabre fashion. Her flesh was splayed open and the Surgeon's hands always reaching for deeper purchase until the prize of womanhood had been retrieved. With no more than, perhaps, three hours of sleep collectively each night, her body craved oblivion. Alcohol dulled the impact of the lurking terror, but never completely obliterated it. Last night had been the first time in a month she had slept for a solid seven hours and though her body still felt like it had been drawn across the tarmac, she felt more relaxed than she had been in a long time.

Having calculated that Maura would have finished her morning routine, Jane made her way to the bedroom. Opening the door, she froze. Maura stood with her back to the door, her trim athletic body adorned in a black lace thong. Only a black lace thong.

_Fuck! _Was the only thought that speared into Jane's head. Whipping around instantly to avoid further embarrassment, but not before catching a tantalising glimpse of those beautiful pale breasts as Maura turned in surprise. She slapped a belated hand to her eyes as a hot jolt of need fizzled down her spine, instantly uncorking her arousal, soaking through her most comfortable pair of boi shorts.

_Dumbass! She knows you've seen her naked before. Bolting around like teenager caught with his hand down his pants is going to raise questions. Some really fucking awkward questions!_

Lost in self-flagellation, she missed the fact that Maura had shrugged into a soft silk robe and quietly approached her from behind. The shock of the gentle touch exploded through her senses and she stiffened, ramrod straight, instantaneously.

"Ah. So that's where that comes from. I was wondering about that." The soft voice registered an octave lower.

_Fuck! Wait... _

"Wha-t?" A little lost and a whole lot anxious, Jane's voice cracked through parched lips.

"That is the third time since last night that you have flinched at my touch."

_Huh?_

"Um..." Fairly vibrating with anxiety, the last was punctuated by an audible gulp.

"You feel it too." The velvet tone was laced with quiet wonder.

_Nnnooooo... wait...what?_

"Look at me Jane." The hand on her shoulder squeezed a little harder.

"Uh..."

_You're wearing nothing but naked glory and a thong. See, I knew you were trying to kill me! _

Every breath Jane drew tore raggedly from her throat and she wondered, briefly, if she could die from hyperventilation.

"I have a robe on. Look at me Jane." A chuckle suffused the silky voice.

Slowly, Jane removed the hand from her face and swallowed like a dead man walking. The hand on her shoulder directed her to turn as she stayed rooted to the spot. Gathering enough courage she, finally, relented and turned around, keeping her gaze determinedly fixed on the doctor's eyes and not wandering to all the delicious curves that long ago memory assaulted her with.

The green eyes that saw far too much widened in surprise. The soft lips quirked at the corners in pleasure as she found the answers on the detective's face.

"Uh..." Jane rasped, her focus wavering momentarily.

_Oh, for fuck sake can you stop with the monosyllabic sounds! Words, Rizzoli! You've been using them since you were one!_

"Verbose, aren't you?" The doctor's eyes sparkled in amusement.

"Um, well, I..." _This can't be happening!_

"Surprising, yes. I must say I was caught a little off guard myself." Gently she lifted her palm and Jane leaned into the touch. A soft glow suffused Maura's heart as she stepped closer and Jane's eyes widened. Pupil's dilated and the steady pulse on Jane's neck stuttered.

"Maura, this is a bad idea." She said quietly slowly losing her grasp on the situation as the scent of soap and a touch of roses caressed her senses.

"I know." Her soft lips brushed against Jane's and she melted into the warmth, spellbound by the moment.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Same story, they don't belong to me and I mean no disrespect by using them.**

**I apologize for taking so long to post this chapter, but it was a difficult week. I will try to keep my updates a little more prompt in future. The characters have become more verbose and I can't really get them to shut up, so this chapter is longer than the rest. I hope you don't mind. **

**Lads and Ladies, please review the work. It's difficult to know if you enjoy it when you don't tell me. I may be many things, but psychic is not among them. :D. Enjoy!**

**Chapter Four**

"_Maura, this is a bad idea." She said quietly, slowly losing her grasp on the situation as the scent of soap and a touch of roses caressed her senses._

"_I know." Her soft lips brushed against Jane's and she melted into the warmth, spellbound by the moment._

* * *

The tender kiss spoke of longing and pain as gentle arms wrapped around Maura, drawing her closer. This was not the type of kiss that overpowered in its intensity, but softly spread glowing warmth, healing the fractured chambers of the heart. Lost in the embrace and silent communication of lips, the flavour of salt registered in Maura's awareness. Gently pulling back she peered into the wonderful face in front of her and saw the tears fall unheeded from Jane's face.

"Oh Jane. Why didn't you tell me?" Pressing a hand to Jane's cheek she softly wiped away the tears.

"I couldn't. We can't..." Jane closed her eyes and turning slightly, pressed a kiss in Maura's palm before breaking the contact and walking away. The pain in her eyes broke Maura's heart.

"Then we'll talk... until we can." The words were spoken quietly as Jane walked out the front door.

* * *

The morning in her apartment played on her mind as Jane drove to her mother's house. Confusion twined with need when she thought back to the kiss and touching her lips she could almost feel the ghost of Maura's tongue softly seeking entrance. A wave of goose bumps washed over her arms and she smiled a little as she rang the doorbell and waited. After three minutes with no response from within, she rang the bell again and added a brisk knock.

"Coming!" Angela's exasperated voice could be heard, muffled, through the door.

"About bloody time..." Jane muttered to herself as the door opened.

"Oh! Jane?" Her mother's face, red from exertion, smiled a little wildly.

"Come in! Come in!" Angela gestured her inside. Her eye gave a nervous tick and a light blush stained her features.

_Mmm... what do we have here?_

Curiously taking in her mother's flustered appearance, she noted that her blouse had been haphazardly buttoned so that one side was longer than the other. Angela flushed a deeper shade under her daughter's inquisitive gaze and hastily tried to smooth down the wisps of hair that escaped from her ponytail. Her father entered from the passage, whistling _Take Me Out To The Ball Game _and smiled widely when he saw Jane in the foyer.

_ .God! _The penny dropped. Eyes wide, she stared aghast at her mother.

"Jeez! Tell me you weren't..." her voice trailed off as she gestured back and forth between her parents. "Oh my God, Ma! It's not even six-thirty in the morning!" Flushing in embarrassment herself, she saw Angela turn scarlet and clear her throat, while her father laughed outright.

"What?! We're married, not dead!" Her mother rejoined a little indignantly. The effect was marginally ruined by the fact that the last was issued in a shrill.

_I've died. I'm in hell. I know it! This conversation is not happening._

"Eww!" Her hands rubbed vigorously over her face as if to scrub the last two minutes from her mind by force.

"Well, since you're here, I'm assuming you need something." Angela tried to clear her throat again.

Seizing the opportunity with both hands to avoid any further discussion of her parents' morning activities she said, "Ah... yeah. I need to take a shower."

"What's wrong? Does your father need to take a look at the plumbing in your apartment?"

_Oh crap._

"Uh... no. They shut off the water for maintenance." _Yes, I can work with that. _The lie came easily enough, but Angela's eyes narrowed dangerously

"You sure your father doesn't need to take a look?"

"Ma, I've been able to fix the plumbing since I was twelve. It's routine maintenance." Jane shifted uneasily. _How the hell did I manage to get through two years of undercover assignments alive if I can't even get a small fib past my mother?_

"Mmm. Don't they normally hand out notices for this sort of thing beforehand?" Her mother eyed her suspiciously, clearly intending to get to the bottom of the puzzle.

_Holy shit! She's like a dog with a bone!_

"Sheesh, Angela. Let the girl get on with it." Her father interjected. An action for which Jane would be eternally grateful.

"Mmm." Her mother quirked an eyebrow. "There are still some of your clothes in your old room."

"Thanks, Ma." She shot past her mother and straight to her old room to gather the garments under discussion in case the woman decided to badger her further.

When Jane was done, she ran for the door to avoid another onslaught of questions. Intending to text her mother later in the day to thank her. Sadly, fate did not play fair and Jane held a losing hand.

"Where do you think you're going without so much as a 'bye, Ma. Thanks for the shower?'" She sat at the counter rolling a cup of coffee in her hands.

"Bye, Ma. Thanks for the shower." She said over her shoulder as she opened the door.

"Wait just a minute! I don't see you for more than a month and you sneak out of the house like a cat-burglar?"

Frustration seeping from every pore after the strangest morning in her life, Jane closed the door and faced her mother.

"Ma, I'm going to be late." Her voice, much to her horror, came out in a whine.

Angela's eyebrows shot up in surprise at the tone and made a mental note to keep a closer eye on Jane. As such, her immediate scrutiny revealed several disturbing indications that she had missed in the midst of her post-coital haze... or rather her interrupted coital stupor. Dark circles under her eyes, the puffiness from before had subsided a bit, but was it from crying? Janie hardly ever cried. The nerves fairly sizzled off her daughter's body and yet, there was something else.

"Jeez, would you stop inspecting me like a weevil you found in the flour?" Jane shifted nervously under her mother's gaze.

"Mmm. Family dinner next Thursday." The statement caught Jane off guard, but the tone did not allow for argument.

"But, Ma..." _Great! Like a bug under a magnifying glass._

"Thursday, Janie... and bring Maura. I haven't seen that girl in ages."

A soft blush infused Jane's cheeks and she averted her gaze. Amusement crinkled Angela's eyes as she stared at her daughter. Interesting...

"Fine, as long as there are cannolis." She muttered and turned, scowling, to the door.

"Oh no you don't." Unable to deny herself the pleasure of needling Jane one last time.

Whirling, Jane faced her mother and opened her mouth to speak, only to shut it again with a slight flush of chagrin. Angela turned her face slightly and with a glint in her eye tapped her cheek with her index finger.

Walking to her mother she leaned over and pecked the offered cheek. Before she could straighten again, Angela hugged her fiercely.

"I love you. I don't always tell you and there are days you make me mad as hell, but no matter what, I love you."

Undone by the open display of affection Jane's eyes welled up. Sniffing once she replied softly, "I love you too, Ma. Bye" She kissed her again and turned on her heel to walk out the door.

* * *

The unexpected events of the morning left Maura reeling. She understood that the foundation of their relationship had changed, whether or not they chose to accept it. Her feelings for Jane had changed over the course of the last year, but she had chosen not to acknowledge them, at least not out loud. Having done so now put their friendship in difficult waters and navigating through them might prove to be the end of the one thing Maura held dear. Neither of them had a particularly stellar record when it came to sexual relationships and having once had her heart shattered, Maura was hesitant to put it on the line again. Still, her affections for Jane had grown beyond friendship or basic attraction and as such, her heart was already on the line. Her main concern at this point was the 'new' Jane. The detective had become withdrawn and secretive and approximately a month ago an unknown event had put her on the path of self-destruction, haunted by nightmares.

_Why didn't she come to me? She's never hidden anything from me in the past, why now? Then again, why didn't I see it? I know I've been busy, but surely there were signs. Frost saw them, why didn't I?_

The discomforting internal musings were shut away and Maura made her way to the morgue. Her surprise was evident when she nearly walked into Barry Frost, who waited at her office door.

"Whoa, Doc! Off planet somewhere?"

"Sorry, I was a little distracted."

"Yes I can see that. Anything interesting?"

"I was just thinking about Jane actually. Maybe you can help me with something?" She asked as she unlocked her door and gestured him inside.

"Sure, if I can. She's not in yet, so I have a couple of minutes."

"Oh?" Surprise and confusion laced her voice.

Sitting comfortably in a designer chair, Barry looked up her expectantly. "She's actually one of the reasons I came down this morning. She can be really bitchy if you stick your nose in her business, but, well, we were a bit worried after last night."

"I stayed over until this morning to keep an eye on her. She seemed a bit better to be honest, but I have a few concerns myself." She colored a bit at the memory of the morning and cleared her throat to continue, "You mentioned last night that she had started isolating herself a month ago. Can you think of any reason why?"

"I thought about it after we spoke and the only thing that I can think of is Gabriel Dean."

"Agent Dean?" A short and vicious spurt of jealousy stabbed at her heart.

"Yeah, I saw them together at the Robber one night. Couple of days later he was gone and she started getting weird." His brow creased in concentration as he spoke, trying to think back. "Dunno if they broke up, but for a while she just seemed angry, then she sort of started fading."

"Fading?" Maura felt a little off kilter. She had known Jane liked Gabriel, but never knew that her feelings ran deep enough to cause the devastation she had seen.

_The nightmares were triggered by an emotional event, could this be it?_

"Yeah, fading. Like she's there but she's not. Her swagger's gone and the cocky attitude. It's like the _essence _of Jane has been diluted_._ If that makes any sense?_"_

"Yes, I've noticed some of that. At this point I'm still trying to connect all the dots of how she got here. There are, however, other issues we can address in the meantime, but I may need your help, although you do risk the wrath of Jane." A small smile tugged at her lips.

"I'll risk it. I've gone through doors with that woman, but in the condition she's in... it's dangerous to put your life in someone's hands if you're not sure they can stand on their own." He finished quietly and saw that Maura understood the gravity of his words. "But it's more than just the cop, I'm concerned as a friend. We need the old Rizzoli back."

"Then we're agreed."She picked up a brown paper bag that she brought in with her and put it on the table. "Her diet is one of the things I'm most concerned about. You'll have noticed that she's lost a lot of weight. The fatigue, although, caused by a number of factors is being exacerbated by the fact that she's not eating properly. Make sure she eats that, I'll start looking into the rest."She nodded in the direction of the bag. "Now, I'm assuming the other reason you came down was for the tox screen on the second victim?" At Frost's nod, she went into her mail to retrieve the results.

"I've still not received them from the lab, but they assure me it should be in by 09:00am. Seemingly there was a system malfunction late last night. As soon as they're in I'll email you the full report."

"Thanks Doc." He rose and stopped as he headed for the door. Turning he said, "Um, my mom and Robin are here for the week, they checking in on the wedding venue. I was thinking of having a barbeque and I know you guys hit it off so I was wondering if you and Jane would like to come."

A brilliant smile lit Maura's face, "That would be lovely, thank you."

"I'll text you the time as soon we've nailed the arrangements. Cheers Doc." As Frost walked to the door Maura thoughts returned to Jane.

* * *

When Jane walked into the bullpen Korsak was bent over Frost's shoulder studying his screen intently.

"Hey guys, results back yet?

"Yeah, they just came ..." Frost looked at her and surprise registered on his face.

"What?" She quirked an eyebrow at him and noted that Korsak's features also expressed shock.

"Uh... nothing." He turned back to the screen. "The results came in about ten minutes ago." He turned to her again and peered at her closely.

"And?" The scrutiny left her feeling a little uncomfortable and she shifted awkwardly.

"The vic was drugged with chloroform. Autopsy indicates he was alive when three of his fingers were removed. Deep bruising and several lacerations on the face and body. Evisceration was post-mortem."

"So what killed him?" Jane moved to the murder board and looked at the grisly remains.

"A heart attack." Korsak's voice came from right behind her.

"Huh?" She turned to look at him her eyes widened in surprise.

"Apparently he had a heart condition. According to the Doc he sustained a blow to the heart that caused it to stop."

"Shit, that's gotta be crap. At least he didn't feel anything when he was gutted. Any ID yet?"

"Yeah, Michael Dale, but something's really weird."

"What do you mean?"

He turned the screen toward Jane, "This guy's squeaky clean. No family. Landlord says the rent's paid six months in advance and always in cash. Not even a parking ticket in the last eight years, but there's more, check this out." He turned the screen back to him and his fingers moved furiously over the keyboard. A couple of clicks later he turned the screen back to her.

"Shit, this day's just full of surprises." She muttered to herself. The victim didn't exist until eight years ago.

"What about the first vic? Still no ID?"

"No. I've run CODIS, AFIS. I've run through missing persons. According to our systems, Jane Doe, doesn't exist, but I've got a tingle in my gut that says it's a professional wipe." Frost leaned back in his chair.

"A tingle?" Jane eyed him in amusement.

"Yeah... a tingle." Frost colored slightly, but smiled nonetheless.

Jane studied the data thoroughly and gently massaged her hands when she looked back at the murder board.

"You know, I believe my tingle agrees with yours." Her lips quirked in humor. "The second vic is starting to sound suspiciously like witness protection and if I'm right, then the first vic might be too. Reach out to the other agencies see what comes up."

"On it." Frost once again turned the screen back to him and started typing.

Jane walked over to her desk and noticed the brown paper bag for the first time and eyed it suspiciously.

"What's this?" she poked at the bag.

"The Doc sent that up with strict instructions to make sure you eat it." Frost had stopped typing and stared at her.

"What are you? The Lunch Monitor?" Though the sarcasm dripped from her tongue, she could hide the light blush of pleasure as she studied the contents of the bag. Removing and apple she took a bite and froze as both Korsak and Frost continued to stare.

"What?" She managed around the bite that she was chewing. The juice of the fruit gently trickled down her chine and she wiped it away with the back of her hand.

"Nothing." They looked at each other for a moment in silent communication.

"You guys know it's creepy when you do that, right?" She said as she took another bite and decided to ignore them, momentarily lost in the rich flavor of the apple. She was momentarily startled when her desk phone rang and she swallowed before she answered.

"Rizzoli." She flushed again when she heard Maura on the other end of the line.

"Ah... sure. Bye." Jane eyed the phone uncertainly as she put it down. Looking up she found both her partners still staring at her.

"Jeez! What?" Irritation and embarrassment flooded her face as she stood up.

"Who was that?" Korsak asked.

"Maura, she wants me to go to see her."

"Case related?" Frost peered at her curiously.

"How the hell am I supposed to know?" Feeling seriously uncomfortable under their intense gazes she walked to the elevator a little faster than usual.

* * *

Standing in front of the glass doors that led to the morgue, Jane took a deep breath and entered. The whoosh of the door announced her entrance and Maura looked up with a smile and Jane's heart stuttered.

"Um... hi." She said uncertainly and rubbed her palms on her pant legs, a small smile playing on her lips.

"Hi ,Jane." Maura noted the nervous gesture and felt her own pulse dance lightly as she turned and led the detective to her office, closing the door when she walked inside.

"Ah... thanks for the lunch." Jane's eyes followed the doctor as she took a seat on her couch and gestured for her to sit beside her.

"It's a pleasure," When Maura saw her eyes dart nervously to the seat next to her she smiled softly and said, "Relax, Jane, I won't bite."

The words, though meant to calm, sent Jane's heart into a gallop and for the umpteenth time that day, she blushed a deep shade of red. _Oh, but how I want you to. _Hesitantly, she sat on the edge of the couch and clutched her hands together in her lap.

"I called you down because there was something I wanted to discuss with you." Maura spoke in measured tones so as not to make Jane even more nervous.

_Oh crap! She wants to talk about this morning... I'm not ready... _

Reading Jane's thoughts clearly she placed a gentle hand on her arm and Jane jolted. "We can talk about this morning when you're ready, but there is something else I wanted to speak to you about."

Relief flooded through Jane's body and her rigid posture relaxed as the softly spoken words calmed her.

"I would like to take a blood sample from you." The words caught Jane off guard and she gaped at Maura.

"What? Why?" She strangled out and swallowed with an audible gulp.

"I would like to test you for IDA." At Jane's blank look, she clarified, "Iron Deficiency Anaemia. You've been exhibiting a few of the symptoms."

"Um..." Jane couldn't seem to find the words to respond.

"Okay, how about this. I ask the questions and you answer yes or no, okay?" Maura gently encouraged. At Jane's nod she quickly formed the list of questions in her mind, though she already knew most of the answers.

"I've noticed that you seemed fatigued lately. This is correct?"

"Yeah, but... you know... the nightmares" Jane said quietly and squirmed in her seat.

"Yes, we'll get to that, for now just answer yes or no."

"Okay. Yes I'm tired." Jane relented, but still felt uncomfortable.

"Do you find your appetite is diminished?"

"Yes"

"Are you experiencing any anxiety or mood swings?"

_Mostly when you're around._ Goose flesh rode from her arms over her chest, pebbling her nipples and finally up her neck. The effect did not go unnoticed and Maura raised an eyebrow curiously.

"Um... yes." Again, the light blush left a rosy imprint on Jane's cheeks.

"Have you been experiencing any light-headedness before last night?" Jane nodded again.

"Is the bleeding heavy during your monthly cycle, more so now than before?"

"Jesus, Maura!" The light blush turned into scarlet against the white color of her shirt.

"It's necessary that I ask. It may have an affect on the quantitive presence of iron in your blood."

Refusing to meet Maura's eyes, she said, "No, no more than usual."

"Okay, barring the last, all of the answers you gave me add weight to my theory." Standing up she went to her desk to retrieve the needle and vial.

"Ah man!" Jane voice came perilously close to a whine as she eyed the needle.

"Just sit still, it won't take long."

Maura started to unbutton her right cuff and felt her fingers falter for a moment. Jane's proximity allowed her to feel the heat radiating off her body and images of undoing the rest of her buttons flooded her mind. Deeply aroused by the pictures her mind forced on her she felt a tremor course through her hands and her breath quickened. Shifting slightly to alleviate the tension that pulsed in her core Maura fisted her hands to still the trembling.

"You alright there, Doc? Jane grinned rakishly, knowing what went through the doctors thoughts, momentarily forgetting the nerves that had plagued her during the morning and Maura drew in a sharp breath.

"Don't look at me like that. I might just turn you into a pincushion." Maura said shakily, desperately trying to ignore the wetness that pooled in her underwear.

The air fizzed between them and Jane felt the heat radiate from her loins to her limbs. Her tongue flicked across her suddenly parched lips as her breath raggedly tore from her lungs. Leaning closer to Maura to catch a tantalizing whiff of the rose perfume she favoured, her mouth grazed the doctor's lips.

That single touch shattered the weak grasp Jane had on her sanity and turning, she forcefully pulled Maura over to straddle her lap. A fire burned hot and deep as they savaged lips and strained to touch. Jane grazed her teeth over Maura's jaw and latched onto the pulse just below her ear, her hands finding purchase on the doctor's ample breasts. A guttural moan sighed from Maura's lips and she arched her back to give Jane easier access, weaving her hands into the dark curls. Not one to forego any opportunity, she made quick work of the buttons straining in front of her. Somewhere in the haze fogging her brain, Jane could hear the warning sirens, but ignored them as she gloried in the feel of Maura's flesh under her hands.

Like an addict to his poison Jane sucked at the straining lace, delighting in the feel of a pert nub between her teeth.

"Oh, God!" Maura gasped and pressed Jane closer, urging her to take more.

Yanking Maura's bra beneath her breast she tasted heaven as her tongue caressed the sensitive bud. Needing more she suckled at the offered breast and slid her hand over the beautiful body to lavish attention on the other. Maura ground her hips into Jane seeking appeasement from the torturous need now desperately clawing at her system. A groan shuddered from the detective as arousal swept so deep that her soul wept at its intensity.

It took a moment for the sound of a beeper to penetrate the haze of passion, but when it did they shot into awareness as though they were doused in ice water. Maura made to get up, but Jane's hands on her thighs stayed her. Pulling up her bra she started to button her shirt with trembling fingers, leaning her head against the detective's for support. Her breath as laboured as Jane's, she put her hands on her shoulders and gently pushed herself upright.

"Well, that was unexpected." Jane husked as she worked to catch her breath and drew a hand through her mussed hair.

"I'll say." She cleared her throat and mentally fought to regain control of her body. "Um... you may want to get that." She nodded down to Jane's beeper.

"In a moment." She raised her hand to Maura's face and she leaned into the touch, closing her eyes. "I think we may have to talk." Jane said quietly as looked into the doctor's beautiful, flushed face.

"Tonight. My place at eight?" Maura whispered, lost in the soft texture of the palm resting on her cheek. Jane leaned into Maura one last time and gently kissed her.

"Okay, but I think you may have to ask Suzie to draw my blood, otherwise, judging by what just happened I won't be held accountable for the state of your clothes when I'm done."

Maura nodded and flushed as another jolt of excitement shot through her. She stood up, unsteadily, and smoothed down her skirt as she made her way to the phone and called her assistant into her office.

While Suzie prepared the necessary items and pierced the skin with the needle, Jane carefully avoided looking at the vial draining her blood and dialled the number on her beeper.

"You beeped." Jane's breathing had normalized and she couldn't decide if she was irritated or relived by the fact that Frost had beeped her.

"A package just arrived with your name on it."

"I wasn't expecting anything. Give me a couple of minutes."

"Cool."

She put down the phone as Suzie finished leaching her blood and screwed up her face in distaste.

"Seriously? You come to the morgue every day to see autopsies conducted on all sorts of the human population, but you avoid the sight of you own blood? Suzie's voice was laced with amusement.

"Someone else's blood I can deal with, it's my own I have a serious issue sharing." Jane grimaced as she watched the vial being passed to Maura and Suzie chuckled as she left the office.

"Mmm. Interesting, I never knew that." Amusement creased Maura's eyes as she looked at Jane.

"We all have our little secrets." Jane deadpanned and a chuckle escaped the doctor.

"I've gotta go." She walked to Maura and brushed a soft kiss to her cheek. "Eight o' clock." She whispered into Maura's ear and smiled softly she shivered.

Making her way to the elevator Jane smiled to herself. Somehow, someway, they would figure out how to handle this situation.

* * *

Frost and Korsak were staring at the package that sat suspiciously on her desk. Frowning at it she asked, "Who delivered it?"

"It was dropped off at the front desk by some kid. He said a guy paid him to drop it off."

"Not that I have anything against gifts, but Secret Santas always creep me out. Get Darnell from bomb tech up here to scan it will you?" She studied the box wrapped in brown paper. _Detective Rizzoli_ had been scrawled on it in black marker. No delivery or return address. Jane got bad tingle as waited for the box to be scanned.

All of twenty minutes later the box had been cleared of explosives and/or any dangerous chemical or bacterial agents and Jane, wearing latex gloves, unwrapped the box carefully, preserving evidence should it be necessary. When the box beneath the paper was revealed, Jane's gut clenched and the tingle turned into a steady buzz.

Slowly lifting the lid, she peered inside and paled slightly. Frost ran for the nearest trash can and started heaving. As Jane looked up at Korsak's surprised face, she said, "Well, we found one of Mikey's fingers."


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter five.**

**I don't own them. I just play with them. Don't sue me... please.**

**Friends, Romans and random fan people. I apologize for the time it has taken to post, yet again. I had a friend who passed very recently and found it difficult to resume writing. Sadly, he was the one who inspired this piece of fiction. **

**I hope, however, that you will find this chapter to your liking. **

**There is a rape trigger here. It is mentioned in passing and will not be delved into too deeply. I will only deal with the after effects of the situation.**

**Please review. It is difficult to know if you enjoy the story or if you find it tedious when you do not let me know.**

* * *

_Slowly lifting the lid, she peered inside and paled slightly. Frost ran for the nearest trash can and started heaving. As Jane looked up at Korsak's surprised face, she said, "Well, we found one of Mikey's fingers."_

* * *

The box and wrapping had been taken in for processing and the lone finger had found its way to the morgue. Still reeling from the assault on her system in the doctor's office and the gruesome parcel, Jane felt ill prepared to face Maura so soon. She had hoped that she would at least have enough time to settle her nerves before their next meeting. As it was, the memory of what transpired an hour ago in the dignified doctor's office sent a thrum straight to Jane's core and she felt the air in the elevator turn to molasses.

Unbeknownst to her, Frost had been studying Jane from the corner of his eye and his curiosity bloomed. He'd noticed the deep flush and the electric hum emanating from the tightly strung detective as she returned from the morgue and ,though, it had lessened some during the discovery of their prize and the tedious paperwork that followed, it hadn't completely vanished. Now, it seemed to return even stronger, intensifying the closer they came to the morgue. A niggling suspicion drifted across his mind and he smiled to himself.

"Anything you want to tell me, Jane? He smiled as she blanched.

"Ah...um... what?" She stammered, barely able form a reply as her thoughts scattered in all directions.

"You look like you've just been caught cheating on a test in 5th grade." He laughed as he saw her color deepen and shift uncomfortably.

_Well fuck!_

_Ding!_ The sound of the elevator reaching its destination bathed her in relief as she raced off without a second glance, hearing a muffled chuckle behind her. The moment had distracted from her internal panic and the sound of the morgue doors _whooshing_ open froze her in place. Surprised, Frost stopped and studied her. Jane had always managed to mask her emotions, except in times of severe distress. Seeing the tempest of feeling play over her face, the last of which being unrestrained panic, he gently put a hand on her shoulder. The touch seemed to steady her and without looking at him, he felt her square her shoulders and take the first step into the morgue.

Maura was in her office, a slight frown creased her brow as she studied the information on her screen.

"Hey Doc." Frost said as Jane slipped in behind him. Maura turned to greet her visitors and a light blush crawled up from her collar as she met Jane's eyes.

"Any news on the finger?" Frost asked, his curiosity set to blossom yet again when he noticed Maura's reaction to Jane. Averting her gaze, she cleared her throat and rose.

"Ah... yes, give me a moment." She reached for a manila folder on the far side of her desk and gave it to him. "We are still unable to identify the blade used in both these cases. All wound patterns, however, indicate that the same type of blade was used for the torso mutilation and for that of the hand." Indicating the finger in question, she said, "It appears to be a _digitus medius_."

"A what now?" Frost scrunched his face together at the jargon.

"This one." Jane extended her middle finger and threw Frost a zap. Having calmed the internal storm a bit, she flashed him a smile.

"You've been waiting for a legitimate reason to do that, haven't you?" His eyebrow quirked as he fought a smirk.

"Eh... I have to get my thrills from somewhere." Without conscious thought she peered at Maura who also quirked an immaculately shaped brow and the detective immediately blushed.

"As Jane has so eloquently relayed, it is the third finger of the right hand. Print's and DNA confirm they belong to your second victim." Maura clarified.

Frost turned to stare at Rizzoli, "So when did you get you get all jargon proficient?"

"What? I read!" She flushed a littler darker at the surprised looks from both her partner and best friend.

"Mmhmm." Frost hummed noncommittally.

"Anyway... so now all we gotta figure out is who exactly Michael Dale is and why someone sent us his middle finger. Wow, that sounds so wro..." her voice trailed off as an idea occurred to her. "Shit, I gotta go." She scrambled out of the office and ran for the elevator.

"She surprises me more and more every day." Frost mumbled to himself as he watched her zip through the morgue.

"Mmm." Maura's brow etched in concern as pondered the hastily deserted space where Jane stood. "Um... Barry?"

"Yeah?" Still not looking at Maura as bafflement creased his brow.

"Who was the package addressed to?" Frost turned to meet her worried gaze.

"Jane." He said softly as he watched a brief glint of panic shadow her face. "Don't worry, Doc. We'll keep an eye on her."

At her nod he left her office to find out where exactly his partner had gone.

* * *

Though psychology had always been a pain in her ass, criminal profilers had their uses. Having made her way to her desk in record time, she phoned to find out if Dr. Colt was available. His assistant placed Jane on hold and after a minute of brain melting holding tunes he answered.

"Good day, Detective Rizzoli, my apologies I was completing a report."

"Hi Doc. No worries, I actually need your opinion on something... unofficially."

"Shoot. You've caught my interest."

"We picked up a homicide in the beginning of the week. The victim was found gutted in an alley."

"Oh, yes. I've been following the case. I believe you found a second victim, correct?"

"Yeah. It's just there are one or two things that don't make sense."

"Such as?"

"In both cases the victim's were tied to a chair. They were disembowelled and the intestines were placed in their hands. It was staged. The second victim, however, had several fingers missing."

"Could be he's evolving. But I sense you have a theory."

"Yeah. You see someone gift wrapped and sent me one of our vic's fingers today..." She trailed off.

"Mmm. Which finger?" She could practically hear his mind chew on the information.

"Third finger, right hand." She paused waiting for it to sink in.

"You're thinking in terms of metaphoric meaning? You say it was addressed to you?" Jane could feel a bubble of apprehension in his voice.

"Yes."

"I see... The primary wound would be the disembowelment. In which direction was the would made?"

"According to Dr. Isles, the blade was drawn from left to right over the abdomen."

"Ah. Are you familiar with the term _Seppuku_?" Jane frowned at the word and heard a rustling of paper over the phone.

"No."

"It translates to "stomach cutting". It was a suicide ritual performed originally by the Japanese samurai to avoid falling into enemy hands or torture by those same hands. However, it was later used as a form of corporal punishment for someone who had brought shame. The ritual was executed by thrusting the blade into the left side of the abdomen and pulling it to the right."

"What blade was used?"

"A short blade, traditionally called a Tantō."

"Okay, what about the hand?"

"Well, you said it was the right hand. This could indicate any number of things. Traditionally it was believed that the right hand symbolized power, assertiveness, trust. It could be that the UNSUB believes that the victim brought shame to him or someone he loves, and that he was an important part of his or their relationship. I have no idea why the fingers were removed, but if I'm guessing correctly, the fact that he sent you a finger tells me that he knows who you are. As to it being the middle finger, I think it's safe to say he's telling you to 'fuck off'."

"Yeah, I figured that. Thanks Doc."

"Rizzoli, be careful. He already has two down and the fact that he's focussed on you is worrisome."

"Will do. Thanks again."

* * *

The conversation had left her with perhaps a bit more insight, but still no clue as to how she was going to catch the bastard. Suddenly feeling drained, she scrubbed her hands over her face and eyeballed the brown paper bag Maura had sent her for lunch. Curiosity got the better of her as she opened it and pulled out turkey sandwich. Smiling to herself, she unwrapped it as she thought of the good doctor.

Chewing on a healthy bite and nearly groaning in pleasure, she saw Frost walk towards her from the elevator with a surprised look on his face.

"What?" She managed as she finished chewing and wiped a crumb from her lip.

"You leave the morgue in a mad dash to make love to a turkey sandwich? I'm feeling redundant as the Lunch Monitor." He said as he leaned against his desk to face her.

"Sorry, there was something I wanted to check on." She brought the sandwich in for another bite.

"Care to share?" He said and was silently pleased that Jane was eating without prompting.

"I don't believe stealing half my sandwich is part of the Lunch Monitor's duties." She said amused as Frost rolled his eyes.

Dusting crumbs off her shirt she told him everything that she had learned. He listened without interruption and nodded in all the right places.

"So what you're telling me is we're looking for a deranged Samurai warrior somewhere in Boston." He deadpanned.

"Something like that. Let's check out if there are any dojo's in the surrounding areas. Maybe we shake something loose if we chat to some people." She said and picked up her phone to text Maura for a wound comparison to a Tantō blade.

* * *

It was 07:55PM and Jane was sitting in her car staring at Maura's house. Truth be told, she'd been sitting there for fifteen minutes trying to get her shit together while her hands had started to develop a numb ache.

_Okay. You need to get out of this car. Like seriously. Open your door and get out of the car. Oh for fuck sake Rizzoli get out of the fucking car!_

Taking a deep breath, she fumbled the door open and the soft night air cooled her face. Shoving her hands in her pockets she walked to Maura's door and before she could manage to ring the doorbell, it swung open and revealed the petit woman with an inviting smile.

Clearing her throat, Jane stepped inside and felt her insides tremble with nerves. Without a word Maura closed the door and led the way to the couch. A cold beer waiting on the table, dripped condensation on a coaster and Jane silently thanked the universe as she took the first swallow and felt the tension ebb.

Maura, though seated on the same couch, sat with her back against the armrest and drew a pillow to her lap as she watched the detective in silence.

"Hi." Jane said softly as she sat on the opposite side and met Maura's gaze.

"Hey." A gentle smile curved the doctor's lips.

"Um... I'm not entirely sure I know where to start." She stated awkwardly and fidgeted with her hands.

"It's okay Jane. We can take this slowly." Maura tried to reassure her, knowing the implication of the decisions reached tonight could likely alter the course of their lives.

Noticing the constant soft clenches of Jane's hands, she sat forward, "Do you mind?" she gestured for one of her hands. Realizing that she had not stopped worrying at them for a while now, she stilled. Taking her left hand, Maura started kneading the palm around the scarred edges, gently working the feeling back into the hand. A soft groan issued from Jane as she leaned back, eyes closed, and felt the tingle of life slowly ward off the numbness.

"You don't have to be afraid." Maura said softly continuing her ministrations.

"There is a lot at stake here, Maura." Eyes still closed, her reply was just as soft. The touch of Maura's hands on hers brought comfort and she found it easier to talk without looking the doctor.

"I know, but there is also a lot to be gained." Choosing to keep her gaze fixed on the beautiful hand in hers. She had brief glimpses before, but never had an opportunity to study Jane's hands. The long, skilful fingers ending in short nails. The gentle palm with soft calluses on the pads of each finger. Her thumb traced the faded scar that arced in the middle of the soft flesh. A tenderness washed over Maura and slowly she brought the hand to her lips and gently kissed the faded scar on the inside of the palm. A solitary tear landed where her lips had kissed and Jane shifted to look at her.

"Hey, shhh." She gently reached over and drew Maura against her so that her head lay on her shoulder as Jane leaned back.

The connection leeched the remaining tension from Jane's body and she pressed her cheek against Maura's head.

"I'm so afraid... of losing what we have." She murmured softly into Maura's hair.

"So am I." She replied and snuggled deeper into Jane. "But..."

"Yeah, I know. Whether we wanted it to or not, things have already changed." She stared at wall, feeling Maura's breath on her neck. There was no live wire spark like earlier in the morning, just a tender contentment as her arms wrapped around the beautiful woman sharing her heat. "There are things I need to tell you before we decide... some things will be difficult to say and they'll be difficult to hear. So I'll need you to be patient with me."

"Will you tell me what happened a month ago?" Maura whispered quietly and felt Jane tense for a moment, before relaxing again.

"Yes." Jane swallowed the ball of nerves that lodged in her throat. "But I may need go back a bit further."

"Okay."

"You'll remember about two months ago Gabriel was here." She felt the tentative nod Maura gave her before continuing. "We went out a few times until one night when I took him home with me."

"You had sex." Maura stated logically, but felt a small twinge under her heart.

Jane cleared her throat and tried to form the rest of her words. "Yes. On some level I suppose I knew my feelings for you had changed and that it had been so for a long time, but I didn't realize it consciously, if that makes any sense?" Again, Maura nodded.

"I think I felt the same."

"Well, the problem was that I didn't click to that piece of information until we were... you know..." Completely mortified by this spoken revelation, she cleared her throat again.

"Engaged?" Maura offered helpfully as a small smile tugged at her lips. She felt the heat radiate through Jane's clothes as embarrassment coursed through her.

"Yes."

"And how may I-"

"Give me a moment, will you?" The deep flush on her cheeks felt like fire and she took a moment to steady herself.

"While we were _engaged_ and I was not altogether _there_, it was your name that slipped from my lips.." At this point Jane was just pushing through the moment to get to the other side of the most embarrassing confession she ever had to make.

"I see. I take it he didn't respond well." Maura couldn't hide the smile in her voice as leaned deeper in the arms holding her.

"No. We had a massive argument and he stormed out and well... we haven't spoken since. I don't think we will again."

"Is this why you've been so withdrawn?" She asked. Voice quiet once again.

"Yes... and no. I hurt him and for that I'll always be sorry. But no, it's what happened after."

Maura felt Jane tense again and anxiety clawed at her belly. For a moment she wasn't sure if she wanted to hear the next part.

"You don't have to tell me..." Maura said softly.

"I do. You need to know before we... you need to know." Forcing the icy tendrils of fear and panic as far away as she could, she continued her story.

"I wasn't sure how deal with what had happened. As you can imagine that revelation challenged everything I knew about myself, about us. So one night I went to the pub, you know the one across the park, and I drank until I could barely walk." Jane's voice had gone quiet at the memory and Maura remembered the empty bottles of whiskey she had found in the trash. "It wasn't far to walk and there was no need for a cab. The lights were out along the walkway so I didn't see..." Jane's voice hitched and her breathing started to become erratic.

_Oh, God, No! Jane!_

Maura's heart thudded and rolled with fear. Trying to give Jane space to breathe, she felt her arms tighten and hold her in place.

"I need you here. Just for a little while longer, okay?" She could feel Jane's tears as she nodded against her chest and felt her own rise in her throat. Snaking her arms under Jane's, she held her as tight as the small space allowed.

After a few deep, shaky, breaths, Jane calmed enough to continue. "I didn't see anyone else in the park. I remember being struck in the back of the head and then nothing. At least not for a couple of hours, 'til I woke up with a blinding headache in the rain. My clothes were...Oh God..." On a sob, Jane pressed Maura even closer as though she could absorb her through touch alone.

"Shhh. Oh baby shhh." Maura felt the shirt under her cheek, wet with her own tears as her heart broke for the woman wrapped around her. The minutes passed slowly and Maura gave the only comfort she was able to, gently cooing assurances and rubbing slow circles on Jane's back until she had managed to reign in most of her emotions.

"W-when I realized what had happened; I went to Mass Gen for the exam." The slow circles on her back were soothing as she stared at the wall, recalling the memory.

"They confirmed the rape." She whispered and a soft sob escaped Maura as she held on tighter. "He'd used protection so there was no semen present. The rain had done the rest of the clean up. Other than the tearing and bruising there was no evidence that could be used, so they stitched up the cut on the back of my head and I went home."

"Oh,God, Jane, I'm so sorry." Emotions clogged Maura's throat and her voice was barely a whisper.

"That's when the nightmares started. I thought that I would have dreamed about it, maybe small bits of memory, but every night I close my eyes I only see Hoyt." She sat in silence as she tried to fit the pieces together.

"I wish you had told me sooner." She whispered as she lifted her face and pressed a soft kiss on Jane's cheek, gently wiping away the tears.

"I didn't know how. I didn't want to remember again. I've spent so many nights trying to forget..."

"You don't have to go through this alone. You never have to be alone." She sat up and straddled Jane's thighs so that she could look her in the eye. "Never."

Jane looked away from the intense green gaze that seemed to sear her soul. "I needed to tell you this so you would know. I'm... I've been... damaged in so many ways in the past couple of years, I don't know if I could give you what you need. What you deser-ve." Her voice broke on the last and she felt her heart constrict.

"Look at me." Maura said softly. When Jane still did not meet her gaze she tilted her chin up. "Look at me. You are what I need. I have spent a year trying to box my emotions, so that I didn't have to face the fact that I wanted more between us. I don't want to any more, Jane. I want you."

Jane could only stare at the piercing green eyes willing her to believe the words. As if to further solidify her declaration, she said, "I want us. The physical aspect can wait until you are ready, but you need to know that I love you and I'm willing to wait for you... as long as it takes. Do you understand me?" She said softly as she stared into liquid brown eyes. Leaning down, she pressed a soft kiss on Jane's lips and then wrapped herself around her to give her all the assurance her body was able to. "Come to bed, I think we've had a long day." She stood up and held her hand out to Jane, an offer for comfort.

The tight fist on Jane's heart eased as she looked into the eyes that promised only love without reservation. She slipped her hand into Maura's let her lead them to the bedroom. After purging so much emotion, Jane felt drained and achy so Maura suggested she take a shower before bed to ease her discomfort.

Dressing quickly, Maura made her way back to the kitchen to prepare some hot chocolate for her and Jane. Playing back over the conversation, she felt a quiet sob tear loose and she sank to the floor.

* * *

After the shower Jane felt somewhat restored and stepped into the bedroom. Maura had folded the sheets back for her, a small gesture no doubt, but it brought tears to her eyes as she slipped under the covers and hastily wiped a sleeve over her face at the sound of cautious footsteps coming down the passage.

Handing Jane her mug, she leaned down to kiss her on the forehead before making her way to her side of the bed.

Wrapping her hands around the mug, Jane looked into the creamy swirl of chocolate and silently thanked God for the way the day had turned out. The silence, though vast, was not uncomfortable as each woman was left to her own thoughts, quietly sipping at the chocolate brew. More comfortable still, when they were done and the bedside lamp was switched off, Maura scooted over to Jane, who wrapped herself around her, giving and taking comfort at the same time.

The gentle sounds of the Beacon Hill home creaked softly around them as Maura's last conscious thought was laced with Jane's quiet "I love you, too."

* * *

**Dear People, I hope you liked it. Please review and follow. I beg your forgiveness for any spelling or grammar mistakes that I missed. **


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